Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear...
"Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure -- measure a year?
In daylights -- In sunsets
In midnights -- In cups of coffee
In inches -- In miles
In laughter -- In strife
In -- Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?
Measure in love
Seasons of love..."
I love quoting. It's the best way to make a point and express something you wanted to say long time ago, but you were just to lazy to write it down and then somebody else did it instead of you. Or you just thought that the things you feel inside were/are too complicated to be said in such a simple way and you believe there are no words enough to describe it.
Well, the fact is that precisely those simple sentences were always the ones that fascinated me the most and always got to the point. My point.
Therefore I feel that I've been robbed many times by many clever, or call them mind-mate fellows whose sentences, that I read here and there, were the ones I was having in my head some time before.
So, I was listening to a song from the rock musical Rent and I couldn't start this blog post without quoting these lyrics first.
I thought about those five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes that I spent away from home. How come they made me miss them more then I ever missed some other minutes of my life, and I did have many, many happy minutes of that kind...?
I know someone who knows answer to this question and said that home is where your heart is. I measured all those minutes in love and all the things mentioned above so intensively that I created a home, or a bubble (as my dear Jenny had habbit to say), and left a bit of my heart I guess.
So, what to do when you have many homes according to this logic? I know, tough one.
On my way home (heh, which one then?!?)...Ok, on my way from Oslo to Sarajevo, that happened almost a month ago now, I had this weird feeling. I was waiting in front of the gate at the airport in Belgrade and looking at the people that were passing by -some of them going to some different gate, some of them heading to their working places and so on...And I remembered when I was a kid and was going to the dentist for example, or when I went to take my first exame at the faculty. I was observing those people the same way I did then, when I was about to do something that influenced me a lot. The thought that was going through my mind was how "lucky" all those people are in that precise moment for not having to go through all the things/feelings that I was going through. All those people around me were so completely unaware of my inner fears and confusions and totally deaf on all the screaming noise coming from inside of me; all the excitement for going one home, and all the sadness for leaving the other one. And I don't think I was unlucky in any of those moments, cause I made my own choices and was happy while they lasted (except for the dentist part), but one gets quite paranoic when it feels you are alone in a crowd.
Who knows how many times I've been blind, deaf or simply imune to other peoples feelings like that.
But when the feelings are so intensive, strong and mixed inside of you, you feel so alive and grateful for being able to live life that is not only surviving,but the whole fortune actually.
If I measure the past year in people, I can say I ended up as the richest volunteer ever. Why do I feel so rich? Cause, by "getting" those people in my life I can afford crying and laughing when I feel so, I can be relaxed and enjoy, I can talk all the time or not say a word...I can be myself. Now tell me how many people are rich enough to afford that?
Some of the people I met in the past year know me more and better then I ever planned to allow them to do so; some of them inspired me and fascinated me with their way of looking at life; some of them learned me so much and shared stuff just like that; some of them touched me by opening themselves and being honest... and towards some of them I realized I should have show more feelings and let myself be more "weak". Well, I miss all of them a lot but fortunately I have a lot of treasure here in Sarajevo as well, that I missed a lot and I am still rich with ability to appreciate it. At least I hope so...
Another quote for the end of this post:
"There's only usPeace!
There's only this
Forget regret-- or life is yours to miss.
No other road
No other way
No day but today..."